


Excuses, Excuses

by pandorabox82



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-06
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-12 17:11:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 9,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7114879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pandorabox82/pseuds/pandorabox82
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JJ has discovered that sometimes even the best excuse cannot cover up the truth. And when the person who learns the truth of her circumstances is none other than Erin Strauss, will their friendship pave the way for a relationship with the man of her dreams?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

JJ stared at her reflection in the mirror. She had thought that she had covered up the bruise on her cheek well, but in the harsh fluorescent light of her workplace, she saw that the makeup did little to hide the damage.

The door swung open and she whirled around to see who had joined her, hastily wiping a tear off her cheek. "Agent Jareau, is everything all right?"

Strauss was looking at her in concern, and JJ wished that the floor would open up and swallow her in that very moment. "Everything is fine, Ma'am. No need to worry about me."

JJ could tell that Strauss knew she was lying by the way she reached out and touched her shoulder lightly. "Jennifer?" She nodded. "I know that we haven't always gotten along and that I haven't proven myself worthy of your trust, but I do know when a woman is lying. Especially to herself." As she watched, Strauss blinked rapidly, as if trying to hold back tears, and she felt like she had to deny everything, if only to reassure the woman she was all right.

"No, really, everything will be fine. It was just something stupid. Henry spilled his juice on the floor and I didn't see it and slipped, running my cheek into the doorknob." To her horror, more tears began to roll down her cheeks and then Strauss was reaching out, wiping the offending tears away.

"Why don't we head out to my office. You look like you could use a safe place to hide for the moment." She nodded, letting Strauss take control. It was so easy to let her lead her away, to ignore the looks she received from Blake and Reid. "I'm sure your friends will want a full report on why I led you away. Especially Alex, since she…well, let's just say that not all amends are accepted." JJ nodded as they walked down the hall. Most of the other agents ignored them, and she had wondered if this was how Strauss was always treated. If so, it would explain why she was the way she was.

Strauss's assistant looked up at them, confusion wrinkling her brow. "Is everything all right, Ma'am?"

"Yes, everything will be fine. But please, hold all my calls until Agent Jareau and I have finished our meeting. We have some rather delicate things to discuss and cannot be disturbed." Her assistant nodded and Strauss ushered her into her office, closing the blinds to the outer office. "Would you like anything to drink? I have a coffee carafe and bottled water. Or I can send Helen to get us sodas."

The fact that she was trying to make her feel comfortable somehow both distressed and calmed JJ. After all, everything else in her life was turning on its head, why shouldn't how she viewed her boss follow the same course. "Some water might be nice." Strauss nodded and went over to one of her cabinets, opening the door to reveal a small refrigerator and taking out two bottles. JJ sat on the couch and curled one arm protectively around her stomach before accepting the bottle from her hands.

Strauss sat next to her, opening her own bottle and taking a sip before clearing her throat. "So, would you care to tell me what is really going on at home, Agent Jareau?"

"JJ." She had no idea why she was letting the woman call her by her nickname, but she felt like she could trust the woman for some reason. "And I wish that I could. I don't even know where to begin."

"Is Will hitting you?"

JJ took a deep breath, holding onto the bottle tightly. "Maybe. But he's been under such stress lately at work, and the PTSD doesn't help anything. He won't get any help, says that's for sissies, and maybe he's right."

She began to cry once more, and opened the bottle, gulping at the water in an attempt to calm herself down. "Alan used to hit me, too." The admission was soft, and JJ looked at her out of the corner of her eye. Strauss was looking at the bottle in her hands, as if by staring at it, she could find all the answers. "I've always been driven, had an abrasive personality. And I thought he understood that."

JJ nodded slowly before setting the bottle on the table. "He's changed so much since the bank heist. We were fighting a lot before we got married, and then he almost died, and I realized that I couldn't live without him. Now I'm questioning that decision."

Strauss reached over and placed a soft, cold, hand on her arm. "You love him, you share a child, and you want to make things work between you. But he's hurting you, JJ. You have to decide what you can handle. I was lucky, Alan only hit me a few times when I got him angry enough with me. But then, he was also stepping out on me. He left before things could get worse or better. I can't tell you what to do, but I can be an ear for you. An impartial listener, if you'd like."

JJ nodded. "I think I might need that, Chief Strauss."

"Erin, please. When we're here, behind closed doors, you needn't rest on formality." They looked at each other and she smiled gently at Erin. "But, you need to leave here with a smile on your face. How's Henry?"

She was grateful for that suggestion, her smile widening. "He's doing really well, all things considered. He still has a few nightmares about the mean lady who was trying to hurt Mommy, but those are coming fewer and father between. And someone at his daycare taught him how to read."

"Already? He's only four, right?" JJ nodded. "Then again, my youngest was like that. She picked it up from her older siblings, wanting to be like them. It will be a blessing to you in the long run that he's started so early."

JJ felt a warm wave of contentment sweep over her as she listened to the woman prattle on about her children and how proud she was of them. She fell under the spell of her voice, the lilting quality of it letting her relax and focus on something other than how her life was going down in flames.


	2. Chapter 2

After an hour had passed, JJ felt her phone vibrate against her leg. Pulling it out, she saw that Hotch was calling her, and she smiled up at Erin apologetically. "Hotch is probably wondering where I am by now."

"Perhaps. But then you should be heading back, after all. I don't want them to think that I'm trying to convince you to go back to the State Department. I wouldn't do that now, I hope you know, and I didn't want to then. The future, though, will be different."

JJ nodded as she stood and was surprised when Erin reached out for her hand, squeezing tightly before letting her go. "If I need anything, I'll make certain to call, Erin. Thank you for listening to me."

"Anytime, JJ." She still sounded hesitant about calling her by her nickname, and that thought brought a tender smile to her face as she exited her office. Helen was busy typing, but she did stop to wave a little at her as she left.

The walk back to the bullpen seemed to take forever, as she found herself not wanting to talk to her friends about what was going on. Blake would pump her for details on Erin, to see if the woman had been bad-mouthing her, while Reid and Garcia would look at her as if she had grown a second head. Hotch and Rossi, though, they would understand being friendly with Erin. After all, Rossi was still sleeping with her – it was one of his worst kept secrets.

All of her team turned to look at her from where they were gathered by Hotch's office. She took a deep breath and climbed the stairs to join them. "JJ, is everything okay? Strauss took you away more than an hour ago. You're not being transferred again, are you?"

Morgan sounded concerned, and she noticed his focus was on her cheek. She tried to plaster on her sunniest smile as she shook her head, but felt the tears come close to the forefront once more. "No, nothing like that. We just had to talk about a few things this morning. Sorry I'm late for the briefing, Hotch."

"You're fine. But now that we're all here, let's meet up in the ready room. Garcia said that this was going to be a particularly difficult case for us." His eyes bored into JJ and she shuddered, knowing that he knew her secret as well. He placed a gentle hand on the small of her back and led her into the room, the others following.

Garcia launched right into the briefing, even before they were settled, as if she was unnerved by the case. And once the first pictures were up on the screen, JJ knew why, too. It was going to be a hard case for her and Hotch to handle, and she felt her heart lurch a little as she saw how the unsub had mutilated the little boys he'd kidnapped. It offered her a legitimate outlet for her tears and she found herself flicking a few away as Garcia wrapped the briefing up.

"All right my lovelies, this time before we leave, I want my hugs. You are going to need the positive vibes while you're up in Maine." She positioned herself by the door, giving tight hugs to the others as they trooped out. JJ positioned herself last, and clung to Garcia, needing the comfort she knew the woman would give her. "You're going to find him and kick his ass for me, right, Jayje?"

"I am going to try my best." Garcia nodded and kissed her cheek lightly before pushing her out the door. Hotch was waiting for her, holding her go bag, and she smiled gratefully at him. "Thanks, Hotch."

"Sure. Is there something I need to know about?" he asked as he led her over to the elevators. The others were still getting their things together, so she knew that they would be riding to the airfield together. She bit her lip and looked to the side, despite knowing that he would pick up on her tells.

"Not at the moment. Strauss and I are working it out." He made a low, noncommittal, noise in the back of his throat and she shrugged. "She doesn't mind helping me out with this. And I really need an impartial person in my life right now. Can we leave it at that?"

He nodded as the elevator doors closed them off from the rest of the unit. "For the moment. But if you need anything, anything at all, do not hesitate to call me."

She couldn't help but smile. "You know, Erin told me the same thing." She didn't realize that she had called the woman by her first name until she caught him staring at her. "What? We sort of bonded this morning. I can kind of see why Rossi is with her now."

"I just wasn't expecting you to be the first person to warm to her. Dave, I can understand, since they were…together when I started with the Bureau."

"There are stranger things in Heaven and Earth, Hotch."

"Than are dreamt of in my philosophy?" he gently teased back, completing the line from Shakespeare. She nodded and felt like an incredible weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She hadn't laughed with Will in two months, she suddenly realized, and she missed it. "I miss Beth."

"It's only New York City." He nodded. "Long distance relationships suck, though. Will and I made it work, so there's always hope for you and her." JJ wondered why it hurt to tell him those words and she looked away from him to stare at the doors. They slid open and he guided her over to his car.

The drive to the airfield was quiet, the only noise coming from the radio playing Oldies music in the background. She was the first to jump out of the car and bring her bag over to the cargo hold. Hotch caught up to her and helped her up the steps as the others appeared. For once, though, she wanted to be alone during the flight, so she took the small seat, the one across from where she and Emily had often sat. Today, she really missed her friend, and wished she was there with her. Maybe then she could make sense of this whole thing.


	3. Chapter 3

It seemed worse once they were on the ground, dealing with the parents of the poor children who were murdered. She shuddered as she changed into her pajamas and then settled into bed. Blake was still in the shower, giving her some private time, which she welcomed.

As she reclined against the headboard of the bed, her phone rang, and JJ reached over to pick it up. "Hello?"

"Hello, Jen – JJ. I hope I'm not catching you too late."

Erin's voice was a welcome sound and she sighed in relief. "No, you're fine. But why are you calling?"

"I realized that I hadn't given you my number, if you wanted to call. It might be a little awkward for you to contact Ms. Garcia to get the information, and so I thought I'd ring you to let you know. This is my personal cell, and you know David's, if you can't reach me at this number."

She was surprised to hear the woman acknowledge her relationship with Rossi, but JJ supposed that was because it was normal to her. "Thanks. Um, how did your day go?"

"It went. There are times that I wish I could go out in the field more often, rather than deal with meeting after inane meeting. How's the case going?"

"It could be going so much better. I don't know if I'm going to be able to stay objective on this case, Erin."

"Oh, you're in Maine, then. I was hoping that the Red Cell team would take that case." There was real sadness in her voice, and JJ wondered how much the woman knew about the lives they led. "Please, try and look out for Aaron. I know that David will as well, but you two are the only ones that have living children."

"I'll try. You know, he didn't even call? It's ten, and usually he calls to let me sing to Henry or tell him a story before bedtime. I didn't expect that to hurt this much."

"You're more sensitive, due to the nature of this case, which is understandable. I wish I could tell you something that would ease the sting, but I've never been in your situation."

"Why did you stay with Alan?" JJ asked suddenly, wanting to know.

"He was the father of my children. We created three beautiful gifts from God, and I wanted them to have a stable, two-parent home while they were growing up. I was planning on divorcing him after our youngest went to college. My first visit to rehab sort of sped up that timetable, seeing as how Alan was not up to dealing with my flaws."

"He's a jerk."

Erin laughed a little. "Yes, that was something I found out too late. He tried to get sole custody of our daughter, seeing as how I was being branded an unfit mother, but she was old enough to make her own decision and stuck by me. Even when I fell off the wagon, hard, that second time."

Her voice had begun to be tinged with sadness and JJ found herself wanting to comfort her in some small way. "Reid has had that same struggle, so I understand sticking close to our loved ones. Erin, I wish that things could have been like this from the start."

"So do I, JJ. I could have really used a friend like you in my life. I should let you go, though, so you can get a good night's sleep."

"All right, I'll talk to you later." JJ hung up with her and set the phone aside, looking up into Blake's startled eyes. "What?"

"Were you just talking with Strauss?" Derision fairly dripped from her voice and JJ took a deep breath as she cracked her neck.

"I was just talking with Erin. She makes a good conversationalist." The woman harrumphed lowly and JJ shrugged. "The past is the past, and we can't change that. We can only change the direction of our future. I think you'd be better off remembering that."

"Why? She nearly destroyed everything that I had ever worked for."

"And she nearly lost everything that she had ever worked for. I have never seen someone claw their way back to the top like she did, all without letting someone, anyone, in on her struggle. At least Reid had us." As the words escaped her heart, JJ realized how true they were. Reid had had that support system that Erin had time and again rejected, thinking she needed to appear strong to those looking to tear her down.

Blake's shoulders slumped a little. "I'd have to admit I was wrong, then."

"You could at least be kind, if you can't accept the amends just yet. So, has Reid told you anything about his girlfriend? Things have been a little strained between us ever since the Emily incident." JJ hoped that she would get an answer, but the other woman just shrugged.

"He won't talk to me about her, either. I'm a little concerned that he's being snowed by the woman." She pulled back the covers and slid into bed, turning on her side to look at JJ. "You have a big heart. I don't know if I could ever be as open as you are with everyone. Why are you with Will instead of Hotch? It's obvious, to me, that you care for each other."

"We're ships passing in the night. When I started with the BAU, he was with Haley. Then I met Will, and the Reaper took Haley from him. Now he has Beth and I have the life I made for myself." To her horror, she began to cry a little, and Blake frowned a little. "It's nothing, I just never realized how much life could hurt at times."

"Don't worry, I won't tell anyone about this." She smiled at JJ slightly before turning over and pulling the covers up around her, soon falling asleep. JJ flopped onto her back, staring at the ceiling, sleep seeming miles away.

Sighing, she picked up her phone and looked through her pictures of Henry that she kept there, always close at hand when the cases got to be too much, or she missed him. As she was flipping to another picture, the phone buzzed lightly, notifying her of a new text message. Exiting the photo gallery, she tapped the message button and smiled a little when she saw Hotch was still up, too. _I can't sleep. I just want to be home with Jack._

_Me, too. Well, with Henry. But you know what I mean. Did you talk to Beth tonight?_

There was a pause before he answered. _No. She's beginning to be a little like Haley. She likes to see me as the hero, but doesn't want to hear all the gory details. It makes talking to her rather difficult at times._

_Ah, I see. Erin didn't want to send us on this case. She thought Sam's team would come here._

_Sam and his team got called away by the Director at the last minute. And this case needs to be solved before…_

_I know. God, I hate this._

_I do, too, Jen. See you in the morning?_

_Bright and early._ All she got in reply was a smiley face, and she giggled a little, somehow knowing that Jack had taught his father how to use emoticons. Plugging the phone back into the charger, she turned on her side and clutched the other pillow tightly to her chest, wanting this nightmare of a case to be over soon, so that she could hug her son. Maybe Will wouldn't be so bad, either, after she explained how much the case had bothered her. She could even cook his favorite meal and have their favorite wine. Maybe…


	4. Chapter 4

JJ shook her head as she attached the second alligator clip to the bandage that covered the deep cut on her upper arm. Will hadn't meant to cut her, she had startled him while he was cutting an almost dead limb off the tree outside Henry's room. At least, that was what she kept telling herself. The anger in his eyes had been too frightening to consider any other possibility.

Sighing, she pulled on her blouse, buttoning it quickly before heading down to the kitchen. Will and Henry were gone already, and she shook her head as she grabbed her keys off the hook, missing her son incredibly. JJ stopped in at her favorite coffee shop and picked up her usual before heading in to work. Hotch was there already, as was Erin, and she gravitated to the woman's office naturally.

"Good morning, JJ. What can I do for you?" she asked as JJ closed the door behind her, sipping at the coffee.

"Will cut me last night," she replied once she'd swallowed. "I don't think he meant to do it on purpose, I really don't, but…"

"It hurt. Did you get it taken care of?"

JJ grimaced. "Not professionally. It didn't look that bad, so I just slapped an ace bandage over it."

Erin harrumphed at her. "Let me see it."

"What? No! I'd have to take off my blouse, and I am not about to sit in your office half-naked!" she protested, clutching the neckline of her shirt closer together.

"You don't have anything I haven't seen before, I'm used to taking care of my children's scrapes and bruises, this will be nothing, I promise." Reluctantly, she nodded, unbuttoning the blouse and slipping her right arm from the sleeve. Erin reached out and plucked off the clips, unwinding the bandage quickly. "Jennifer, you need to go see a doctor and get this taken care of. It looks like it's infected already."

"It doesn't hurt that badly, Erin. I'm sure…"

"No." The steel in her voice startled JJ and she blinked several times. "If you were to get an infection, we would have to sit you out of going into the field. You don't want that, do you?"

"No," she replied in a small voice. "I guess I should probably see if my doctor has an opening today, then." Erin whipped out her cellphone, handing it to her. "I have to call now?"

"Yes." Her tone brooked no arguing and JJ nodded, swallowing lightly.

"Fine." She quickly dialed her doctor's office and waited for the receptionist to pick up. "Hi, this is Jennifer Jareau. I need to schedule an appointment for today, please."

"And what seems to be the problem?"

"I got a bad cut on my arm, and my friend seems to think that it's infected. I'm not allowed to go out in the field until I have it looked at. Could Dr. Rannels possibly squeeze me in?"

On the other end of the line, she could hear the woman typing away. "Well, it looks like we did have a cancellation for 9:45. Can you get here by then?"

JJ looked up at Erin, noticing the deep concern in her eyes, the way she was frowning slightly, and bobbed her head. "Yes, I'll have my friend drive me. Somehow, I think she'll have more of a lead foot than I would have."

"Wonderful. I'll let Dr. Rannels know about the change. See you shortly."

She ended the call and handed the phone back to Erin. "Looks like you're stuck with me this morning, Erin."

"And that is perfectly all right. Just let me grab my purse and jacket and I'll be ready to go." JJ nodded and they stood. While she fixed her blouse, Erin got her things together and then they were headed out the door. "Helen, Agent Jareau and I have an appointment to get to. We should be back in a few hours, please hold all my calls until then."

"Yes, Erin." She smiled at her assistant before placing her hand on JJ's back, gently guiding her over to the elevators. Hotch met them coming out and he looked at them in concern.

"I have to go to the doctor. Erin is insisting that I get this silly little cut checked out. I think she's afraid I'll have to get my arm amputated and then you wouldn't have my sharp shooting skills available anymore."

Erin shook her head as she stepped into the elevator. "It's not a small cut, Aaron."

"I figured as much. Take care of her, Erin."

"I'm trying to." There was more to those words than either let on, and JJ knew that they had talked about her privately, given the look they both shot at her. She felt her lips purse as she stepped into the elevator, a sharp burning in her chest. "All right, tell me why you're mad."

She couldn't hide the shock on her face as she looked at Erin. "How did you know…?"

"My children have taught me the fine art of reading facial expressions. Now, tell me what's wrong."

"You talked about me to Hotch! I thought we were going to keep that private, Erin."

The woman tilted her head to the side as she held out her arm in clear invitation. JJ was hesitant about stepping into the shelter of her presence, but finally, she came close, letting her close that arm around her waist, holding her tightly. "I have not told him anything that you told me, Jen. I keep my confidences. However, he did ask about why you were in my office the other day, and I told him it was a personal matter. When he asked if it was Will, I said nothing, and he interpreted my silence to mean yes."

"Oh." JJ turned her face into Erin's shoulder, letting herself begin to cry. "What else did he say?"

"He asked me to watch after you, since it wouldn't look seemly if he did so. He cares about you, JJ, and you are lucky to find that in a, in a friend. I would never have made it sober this long if it hadn't been for David."

There was a long span of silence, as JJ wasn't sure what to say at that moment. She was unused to Erin being so open with her, and yet, here she was, telling her things she had never expected. "But you and David are more than friends," she finally replied, hoping she didn't sound as dejected as she felt.

"Now. But we were friends first, this time around. I needed a friend, those first months home from rehab." The arm around her waist tightened a little, and JJ nodded as she sighed delicately. "I know that's not exactly what you wanted to hear, but I hope it gives you hope."

"A little, yes. Why are you so intent on making sure I'm okay? I have friends who would just as easily step into this role." She regretted the words the instant they slipped from her mouth, desperately wishing she could call them back.

Erin stepped back from her, looking into her eyes. "I just couldn't stand back and watch you be slowly destroyed by what he was doing to you. You weren't going to tell anyone, you were going to bear that burden alone."

To her shame, Erin began to cry a little, too, and JJ reached up, brushing those bitter tears off her cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm just in a peevish mood today. And I sound like Reid now. Guess I've been spending too much time around him."

Erin let out a short laugh as she rummaged in her purse, pulling out tissues for each of them. "I understand peevish, I really do." She wiped her cheeks free of tears and sighed deeply. "One day, I hope that you will trust me enough not to question my motivations. I know that will take time, though."

JJ nodded, reaching out for Erin's hand and clasping it tightly as the elevator doors opened on the parking garage. She only hoped that this appointment would be over soon, and that she could return to work before the end of the day.


	5. Chapter 5

"So, what did the doctor say, Jayje?" Garcia asked as she stopped by her office.

JJ looked up from the file on her desk, giving her friend a small smile as she indicated for her to come and sit down. "The wound is infected, like Erin thought it was. My doctor gave me an antibacterial salve to rub onto it twice every day."

"Ooh, that sounds painful. But how did Hotch know you cut yourself? You're wearing long sleeves today."

JJ realized she had almost slipped up and revealed her friendship with Erin to the other woman, and she shrugged a little, trying to come up with a plausible story. "He accidentally touched the cut and I gasped in pain. I didn't really want to go to the doctor, but he threatened to ground me if I didn't."

Garcia nodded in sympathy. "Well, at least we don't have to send you out on the field right now. Strauss didn't give us a case that would require us to travel right now. That could all change tomorrow, but thank God for small miracles today, I suppose."

"There is that," she said lowly. "Do you want to head out for lunch today? I was thinking we could try that new café on Twelfth."

"Ooh, that sounds delicious! I'll meet you down here a little after noon, then." She smiled widely at JJ and then pranced off, humming under her breath.

JJ let out a deep breath, relieved that she had put her friend off for a few more hours. She made her way over to her office and took a seat behind her desk, staring at the pictures in front of her. Burying her face in her hands, she tried to calm her breaths and not break down crying. The phone ringing startled her and she picked it up. "Hello?"

"JJ, it's Erin. Look, I wanted to apologize for steamrolling you earlier. I just, I don't want to see you falling into the same mistakes and patterns that I did. Alan, well, he did a number on my heart, and I know how it can feel when you are in love and don't want to admit that something could be wrong."

"Erin."

"No, I'm serious. I know I can be overbearing, that was the one thing that wasn't alcohol fueled. And I don't want to push you away because of that."

"Erin, I understand. Really, I do." JJ sighed lightly. "Look, I'm having lunch with Garcia today, but why don't you come over for supper? It's his night to work, so he wouldn't bother us, and I would like the company."

JJ didn't really know why she was so quick to invite the woman into her home, but it felt right to her, and so she waited for Erin's answer. "All right, that sounds lovely. I suppose that I could swing by about six. Or is that too late for you and Henry?"

The sweet anxiety in her voice made JJ smile and she shook her head. "No, that will be fine. It will give me some time to throw together something for us to eat, too. I hope you're in the mood for chicken strips. Henry kind of dictates our culinary choices at the moment. I'm sorry."

"Don't be. My youngest went through an all peanut butter sandwich, all the time, phase." She sighed lightly and JJ swallowed a laugh at the sound. "But I do like chicken."

"Good. I'll see you tonight." They hung up and she sank down in her chair, letting out a deep breath. The work load in front of her seemed to have grown exponentially, and she listlessly picked up the first file, rifling through it and correcting any errors she found.

By the time Penelope showed up in her doorway at noon, she had managed to finish a quarter of the pile and felt like she had accomplished something with her day so far. "Hey, Jayje! Are you ready to go?"

"More than ready. I need a break from all this paperwork!" She smiled gently at Penelope as she stood and grabbed her purse, following her out to the elevators. Erin was in the corridor and they smiled at each other as she brushed past.

"Are you having lunch with Rossi today, Ma'am?" Penelope called out, and Erin stopped, turning to face them.

"Unfortunately, no. The Section Chiefs of the BAU are having a meeting with the Assistant Director. This will be much less pleasant than the evening ahead."

JJ grinned as she let out a soft chuckle. "You never know, you could find out some useful intel for us while you're there."

"I'll try to keep that in mind," Erin replied, smiling gently at them. "Have a wonderful lunch." They nodded and she moved off to the conference room. JJ could see that there were a number of people already gathered, and she winced slightly at the thought of having to deal with business over lunch.

"Did you just have a friendly conversation with Strauss?" Penelope asked as they stepped into the elevator. "You are the last person I would think would ever come around to her. What's she really like? I mean, she must be nice, if Rossi is still with her after all this time. And they do look adorable together. Still, she's so aloof at times, like she doesn't want to mix with us plebeians."

JJ shook her head. "I think she's just trying to protect herself. I think she's been hurt by so many people in her life that she can't really open herself up to others very easily."

Penelope nodded as they stepped out of the elevator and headed out the door. "I suppose we never made her job any easier, either, did we?"

"Not really, no."

"Well, I guess I can change that, then. If Rossi is going to be with her, we should make her feel welcome."

JJ was pleased to hear her friend come around to that conclusion on her own, and she smiled a little as they turned down the street, walking briskly to the café. "I suppose we could do that, Garcia. Now, what do you think we should get to eat?"

"I'm getting the California club. I looked up the menu while I was waiting on a search to come back for Sam's team. But anything you order should be good. They have great reviews!"

The sunny smile that her friend wore infected her heart with a deep happiness, helping her to forget what she was going through at home. After they had placed their order, Penelope looked at her, smiling widely. "What?"

"I have a question. When are you going to tell the rest of us?"

"The rest of you what?" she asked, feeling confused.

"That you're having another baby! I mean, that is why you've been meeting so often with Strauss, right? You're working out your maternity leave!"

JJ shook her head sadly. "No, nothing like that. I've been assisting her with some media questions. That was what I was hired to do in the first place, after all."

Penelope frowned a little before sipping at her lemonade. "Well, I want another little godchild to spoil. You and Will have to get to work on that."

"I'll try to remember that, Penny." While she was smiling, she felt her heart crack, wondering when the lie she was living to her friends would be exposed.


	6. Chapter 6

"I brought cookies. They're store-bought, I didn't have time to whip up a batch before I came over." Erin smiled apologetically as she held out the plastic container to JJ.

"You didn't have to bring anything, Erin."

"One always brings a gift for the hostess. And since I don't drink any longer, alcohol was out of the picture." She stepped inside and shrugged off her jacket, looking around for a hook.

"Here, let me take that. Henry, my friend is here!" she called out, listening for the sound of his feet. Soon enough, he was in the hall, a bright smile on his face. "You remember Miss Erin, right? From my wedding?"

He nodded and opened his arms as he ran to Erin, hugging her tightly. It didn't surprise JJ that Erin scooped her son up in her arms, holding on to him just as tightly. Henry giggled lightly as he burrowed close to her, pressing a soft toddler kiss to the woman's cheek. The smile that spread across Erin's face was something precious to behold, and JJ wondered how long it had been since she had held her children. "Miss Erin? Will you come color with me?"

"Hen, we have to eat now. We can color after supper." He pouted at her, and she shook her head. "Now, are we going to show Miss Erin our best manners?"

"Yes, Mama," he sweetly lisped, holding on to Erin all the tighter. "Will you sit by me while we eat, please?"

"I would love that Henry," she replied. JJ grinned and gestured with her head for Erin to follow her. "How was your day?"

"It went. But could we talk about that more later? After I send Henry to bed?" Erin nodded a little, giving her a sad smile. "Henry, did you enjoy preschool today?" she asked as she went over to the oven, pulling out the pan of chicken fingers and setting it in the middle of the table on a hot plate.

"Uh huh! I can read, Mama! Miss Fortner was reading us a story before naptime, and when she skipped a paragraph, I told her that she had missed a few lines. She frowned a little, like she was mad, and then she asked me to read what she had forgotten. All of a sudden, she wasn't mad anymore and said that she'd email you." Henry beamed up at her and she reached out to ruffle his hair.

"That sounds amazing, Henry." Erin was smiling widely at him. "My children were all reading by your age, too. Though I missed seeing that milestone." The smile on her face turned sad, and JJ reached out to rub her hand, and Erin met her eyes.

"That's why you have the hope of grandchildren, right? You'll get to be there for those great moments." JJ was surprised when Erin flipped her hand over and clasped her hand tightly.

"I suppose." Abruptly, she let go of her hand to dig into her food. JJ smiled at her before cutting up a few pieces of chicken for Henry, handing over the bottle of ketchup. "JJ? Do you have any honey?"

The soft question startled JJ, and she met Erin's eyes before nodding slowly. "Sure, just let me grab it from the cupboard." She stood and opened the door next to the sink, pulling out a large jar. "I even have one of those fancy dippers," she gently teased, wanting to make Erin smile again for some reason.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it even looks a bit like honeycomb." JJ pulled the dipper out of the utensil drawer and handed it to Erin, a wide smile on her lips.

"Ooh, this is fancy," Erin said as she slid the paddle into the thick liquid, twirling it around before scooping some onto her plate. "I know that this is a little unorthodox, but I've always liked something sweet with chicken."

"No more unorthodox than ketchup with everything," JJ replied, looking at her son. Erin nodded as she speared a piece of chicken and dipped it in the honey. As they ate, they fell into a comfortable silence, listening to Henry chatter on about his day.

"I'm finished, Mom. May I be excused now?"

JJ nodded and Henry put his dish in the washer before hurrying into the living room. JJ knew that he would be playing his favorite video game at the moment. "Remember, half an hour and then it's time for a cookie before bed!" she called out after him.

"I'm amazed that you can limit him to just thirty minutes. My children always seemed to be able to push that envelope with me. Then again, I didn't really want to deny them anything."

Her voice had once more turned sad, and JJ reached out, rubbing her shoulder softly. "Hey, you can't make everything perfect. Sometimes, love is just that, love. In whatever form we can give it."

Erin nodded as she blinked rapidly. "I know." She reached up and covered JJ's hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb. "I'm falling in love with David," she blurted out.

"I sort of figured that one out. It doesn't take a world class profiler to see that his eyes follow you whenever you walk into the bullpen. It's almost like he has a sixth sense, as even when we're in briefings, he knows the moment your foot crosses that threshold."

A shy smile danced around Erin's lips as she sipped at her water. "Really?"

"Yes. I wouldn't lie to you about that." JJ got up and began to put their dishes away and she heard Erin stand up as well. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw her replace the honey from exactly where JJ had taken it from. "Here, grab the cookies, and we'll go out and join Henry for a little bit."

"All right." Erin picked up the box and then held out her hand expectantly. JJ knew that she couldn't disappoint the woman who was fast becoming her friend, and so she closed the distance between them and clasped that outstretched hand tightly.

Together, they made their way into the living room, and Erin let out a soft laugh as they stopped and watched Henry play _Duck Tales_. "He really gets into his games. It's why I don't mind letting him play," she whispered in Erin's ear, and she nodded.

"I can see why." She stepped into the room and made her way over to the couch, sinking down on it before leaning forward and opening the box of cookies.

"Is it cookie time?" Henry asked as he saved his game and then turned the console off.

"Yes," Erin replied, holding out a cookie to her son.

"Yes!" he replied enthusiastically as he grabbed the cookie and nestled close to Erin on the couch, trying not to yawn as he nibbled on the confection. JJ grabbed her own out of the box and sat on his other side, content to be there, where she didn't have to worry about Will and how he would react to her. She only wished that every night could be like this.


	7. Chapter 7

JJ knew that she should answer the phone, but the room was still spinning, and she didn't dare lift her head from the pillow. Groaning, she finally managed to sit up and grab her phone, bringing it to her ear as she answered. "Hello?"

"Jayje? Is everything okay?"

Penelope's voice sounded fuzzy and far away, and JJ tried to focus on it. The throbbing in her head made that a chore, and she finally just flopped back on the bed, her head hitting the pillow with enough force to make her see stars. "I think I'm coming down with something, PG. My head is spinning like mad. What's up?"

"Hotch wanted me to track you down, since you're so late. Didn't you hear your alarm?"

The question gave her pause, and she pulled the phone away from her ear long enough to look at the time. She swallowed a groan to see that it was half past nine, and she was later than she had ever been in her life. "I must have slept right through it. There is no way that I'll be making it in to work today, I should probably call Hotch and let him know."

"I could do that for you, honey."

JJ went to shake her head, but the slight start made it spin once more, a wave of nausea sweeping over her. "No, it's my responsibility, I'll do it. Just tell me he's in a good mood this morning."

"Eh, not so much. Strauss was already in to see him, and I think she was asking about you, given the way she was gesturing towards your desk. From the look on his face, he wasn't having any of her meddling."

She let out a soft laugh. "Erin is a bit relentless when one of the team is missing in action. I guess that will be my second call of the morning. I'll talk to you later?"

"Sounds good, gumdrop. And if you want, I can run by supper for you, just give me a text."

"Will do, PG." They hung up and she took a deep breath before scrolling through her contacts and touching Hotch's number. It didn't take more than two rings before he was picking up, and she heard the soft, irritated, sigh that slipped from his lips. "Hey, I know. I'm late."

"And you have Erin breathing down my neck, worried sick about you. You know how intense she can get, Jayje, and having to calm her down and lie, saying that you were probably just running a little behind is tantamount to offering my neck up on her chopping block!"

A small smirk curved her lips up. "She's really sweet, once you get to know her, Hotch. And she is great with children. Henry is absolutely enchanted with her already, and they've only met the one time she was over for supper."

"You invited her to supper?" he asked, sounding skeptical.

"Yes, I did. And I plan on doing so again, since it went so well the first time. It's nice having an older friend like her, you know. Anyway, I should let you get to your briefing, I am going to be sitting this case out, I just do not feel up to coming in."

He let out a long breath, which sounded almost like disappointment to her ears, before speaking once more. "And I suppose I'll be the one to tell Strauss that?"

"No, I'm actually going to call her next. Stay safe out there, Hotch." He muttered a little in response, and she laughed gently as she hung up with him, taking a deep breath to prepare for her next call. Once more, she tried to sit up, but found her head swimming painfully at the motion, and so laid back down, staring at the ceiling before searching for Erin amongst her contacts.

Just as she was going to touch her number, JJ's phone lit up with a call and she swallowed a chuckle to see that it was the very woman she was thinking of. "Jennifer? JJ? Where are you?"

The worry was thick in her voice, and JJ found herself tearing up, feeling emotionally off kilter. "I'm at home."

"You're not ill, are you?"

"No," she whispered, feeling like a scolded child.

"Do you need someone to talk to?"

"Yes," she replied without hesitation. "I'll try to make it downstairs to let you in."

A soft sigh escaped Erin's lips, and the first few tears began to roll down her face. "I'll be right over, then, honey." Her voice was thick, too, and JJ hated to know that she had made her cry. "Take care of yourself until I get there."

The line went dead before she could answer, and JJ clutched her phone to her chest as she finally pushed herself out of bed, lightly brushing her fingers against the back of her head where a giant goose egg had formed. At least this time, it wasn't on her face, and she could get away with keeping her hair back with a headband while out in the field.

Staggering over to her closet, she pulled off her plush velvet robe and wrapped it around her body. Somehow, she managed to make it downstairs and into the kitchen, slumping against the counter as she grabbed for her mug and poured a cup of now cold coffee from the pot still on the machine.

As she nursed her mug, she tried to focus on and think about what she would say to Erin. A soft knock came on her door thirty minutes later, and she realized that the time for thinking had come to an end. Letting out a soft sigh, she made her way to the front door and opened it for Erin. Before she could say anything, the older woman pulled her into a tight hug. "Oh, JJ, what's happened now?" she whispered in her ear.

"I think, I think he broke a vase against my head. I know that we got into an argument about something, but it's all so hazy."

Erin crooned softly in her ear as she led them into the living room and helped JJ to sit on the sofa. She curled up against the woman, trying to draw in some of her warmth. "I have you, JJ, it's okay to let go now," she murmured, hugging her tightly.

With those words, the floodgates opened, and she sobbed as the woman gently rocked her side to side, her hand rubbing up and down her arm in slow, sweeping, motions. "It's not him, Erin. He refuses to get help for his PTSD, and I don't want to leave him while he's so vulnerable. But if I don't leave now, I might never leave. And what would my mom tell Henry if Will were to go too far one day? I need to be strong, but I don't have that strength in me right now."

"Then I'll lend you some of mine." JJ felt Erin kiss the side of her head tenderly as she let out a deep breath through her nose. "I really should go to Aaron about this, but I know that you're going to tell me no. So we have to come up with a solution before this gets even worse. Who can you turn to? Who will take you in?"

JJ shrugged a little as she tried to think of just who she could move in with. "The only people with houses are you and Rossi. Penelope would take me in for a short while, but her apartment is so small. And it would be inappropriate of me to bunk with any of the guys. And I'm not close enough to Alex to want to intrude on her space."

"Which means, by process of elimination, you're coming with me. I have my children every other week, but Karen and Tabitha should be fine rooming together until we get you on your feet once more. All right, why don't we start packing a bag for you? That way you can rest on the bed while telling me what to include."

JJ tried to nod, but her head still ached when she did so. Stopping the motion, she waited for Erin to make the first move, welcoming the feel of the woman's hand tightening around hers, tugging her to her feet once more. JJ slung her arm around Erin's waist, needing to anchor herself to the one buoy she knew would support her in the miasma she had found herself in.


	8. Chapter 8

The sound of her phone ringing caused JJ to jump, and she looked up into Erin's eyes fearfully. "Would you like me to answer it?"

"No, I think I'm just going to let it go to voicemail for the moment. I, I don't want to talk to him, because I know that now, when he's sober, he won't remember what he did, and he'll guilt me into coming home. I need a few days of radio silence to remain strong. Please?"

Erin sighed before shaking her head. "No, Jen. I need to let him know that Henry is all right. I promise, I won't tell him you're here, I'll speak as your supervisor." She nodded before handing over the phone, and listened to Erin answer. "Hello, William. Yes, your wife did ask me to answer for her, she has chosen to look for alternative lodging whilst you get help for your problem. Excuse me? You know, I can speak with your supervisor and make it known what you've been doing to her while in a drunken haze. I would hate to use that sort of leverage, though. And I rather think that's inappropriate, don't you? I most certainly will not! Good bye!"

JJ watched as Erin struck the glass of her phone sharply, an angry frown marring her features. "What did he say to you?"

"It doesn't bear repeating, Jen. Suffice it to say, I will definitely feel much safer with you out of this house. I'm not certain, but I think that his anger issues are extending beyond your excuse of his PTSD." She tried to shrug, but found the move tugged at the skin of her head, making the goose egg throb and ache. "All right, since he's on to your plan, I suppose that we have to move a little more quickly than anticipated with packing your things up. Would you mind if I worked on Henry's room while you pack up your room? I think that will be faster, don't you?"

JJ could tell that Erin was also trying to give her some privacy, and she nodded as they got up from the sofa. It didn't take long for them to traipse upstairs, and she showed Erin Henry's room before heading into her own, pulling out a few suitcases and filling them with clothes and little mementos that she couldn't bear to lose. After all, she didn't know what Will might do when she wasn't here to look after things.

Once she thought she had everything important, JJ dragged her bags out into the hall, and then went to check on Erin. She was sitting on Henry's bed, her arm around his shoulders as she told him a story, two bags filled with toys and clothes at her feet.

"Mommy! Miss Erin says that we're going to have an adventure at her house for a while. Just the two of us!"

She nodded as she walked over to them, taking a seat on the other side of her son. "That's right, baby. Daddy needs some time to think about some things, and we both want him to get better, right?" Henry nodded before bouncing off the bed and rushing over to her side, hugging her tightly. "Now, I'm going to take our things down to the van. Can you help Miss Erin with our coat closet? We need to be prepared for anything that might happen."

He nodded against her hip and then went back to Erin, taking hold of her hand and pulling her over to the doorway. The older woman gave her a small smile and shrug before allowing Henry to escort her downstairs. JJ listened to her son chatter away with Erin as she somehow managed to get his bags onto her shoulder and traipsed downstairs and out to the garage.

It didn't take long for her to stuff the back of the vehicle, and as she was closing the door, JJ jumped a little to feel Henry's hand patting her stomach. "Mommy, we're done. Where do you want the coats?"

She smiled at Erin over his head and took the coats from her arms, throwing them into the passenger seat before bending and picking Henry up, resting him on her hip. "All right, Erin, I think we're ready. I'm going to follow you?"

"Sounds good, but let me see your phone a second." JJ frowned a little as she handed the device over, and Erin quickly tapped away at it before giving it back. "If you get lost, just follow the directions. Or call me."

JJ nodded, taking a look at the display. The maps app was open, with Erin's address the ending destination. "I don't think I've said this, Erin. Thank you."

"I was just in the right place at the right time," she tried to demur, but JJ shook her head as she turned and set Henry in his car seat. Closing the small distance between them, she reached out and gave Erin a long hug, feeling the first wave of sorrow sweep over her heart. And when Erin's arms hesitantly wrapped around her waist, holding her close, she burst into tears, burying her face into the fabric of Erin's shirt in an effort to stifle her sobs. "Shh, Jen. You need to be strong for Henry right now. When he's sleeping, tonight, you can cry on my shoulder. Or I could call Aaron and have him come over."

This seemed to break through the haze of her grief, and JJ let out a watery laugh as she nodded, pulling away from the woman and dragging her hands across her cheeks to clear them of her tears. "We can't do that just yet, Erin. I'm still married, after all."

"But he is a good, strong, shoulder to cry on," Erin teased, and this caused JJ to let out a loud laugh as she shook her head. "What?"

"I never took you to be incorrigible. I think you've been spending too much time around Rossi." Erin blushed a little as she shrugged, stepping away from the van and making her way towards the open garage door. JJ sort of knew that she had pushed things a little too far, but it was nice to have this banter with her boss, since she had the feeling that not many people had the courage to do that. Letting out a soft sigh, she finished buckling Henry in his car seat before going around to the driver's side and climbing in.

As she backed out of her spot, JJ tried not to sigh too deeply, knowing that she probably would be back someday. After all, if they spent much time at Erin's she'd have to return for more clothes and toys. Erin pulled slowly into traffic, and JJ followed after her, listening to the directions with one ear as she went, committing the route to memory as best she could.

Soon, they were pulling into the driveway of a beautiful two story colonial house, and she smiled as she parked outside the garage. "Do you think she has a yard to play soccer in, Mommy?"

"I would think that she does," she replied as she got out, listening to Henry get out of his seat and open the van door. Watching him race into the garage and wrap his arms around Erin's waist was all it took for JJ to know that she had made the best choice for her son. The only thing that mattered was his safety, and she knew Erin could provide that for them.


End file.
